im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
