I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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