Got a toothbrush?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
