he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
