Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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