the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
