Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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