You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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