Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
