Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.

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  (201): I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself. http://tfl.nu/c8lm
  Replies (12) Good night (1373) Bad night (3844)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (34521) Bad night (3884)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5815) Bad night (1623)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

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  (347): i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had http://tfl.nu/siqb
  Replies (11) Good night (3089) Bad night (1576)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

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  (816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw
  Replies (16) Good night (6744) Bad night (787)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

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  (973): not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down http://tfl.nu/e11q
  Replies (6) Good night (4202) Bad night (1175)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was

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  (401): All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was http://tfl.nu/3k0k
  Replies (13) Good night (3399) Bad night (836)
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  (408): View more from California

  Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos

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  (408): Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos http://tfl.nu/v3p3
  Replies (4) Good night (1253) Bad night (593)
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  (914): View more from New York

  If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.

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  (914): If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls. http://tfl.nu/qfqf
  Replies (14) Good night (2960) Bad night (569)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.

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  (602): JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS. http://tfl.nu/m8yh
  Replies (10) Good night (1396) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.

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  (707): She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast. http://tfl.nu/czk4
  Replies (12) Good night (535) Bad night (2600)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?

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  (703): yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'? http://tfl.nu/6ned
  Replies (7) Good night (1596) Bad night (452)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.

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  (303): I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win. http://tfl.nu/uk9u
  Replies (10) Good night (2423) Bad night (520)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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  (304): I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed? http://tfl.nu/vp1b
  Replies (4) Good night (261) Bad night (1371)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there

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  (413): omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there http://tfl.nu/wvl8
  Replies (0) Good night (515) Bad night (270)

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