there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Green mimosas i think yes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.