Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a search helicopter?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.