I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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