Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
