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Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
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