Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS