I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.