You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.