you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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