Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
