Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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