pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is Oprah even human
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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