I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
