Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
