New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
