Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Still dying that you shit outside
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
