You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am available for nakedness
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
