wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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