this just has baby written all over it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
