I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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