She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
