she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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