I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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