S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
