i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
