did you get engaged???
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
