I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i've created a new STD.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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