I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize