My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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