We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
