so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
