it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just cropdusted the office
zippers are such a cool invention
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
