I feel great
I just peed on a car
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
