I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
