im about as happy as oj after his trial
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
