I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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