I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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