I hate your face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
