Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
