Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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