you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
