non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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