yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
