Life is so much better after having sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
