dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My ATM looks so different sober.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
