I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
