You're my little dorito
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
