I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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