my phone needs a breathalizer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
