even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
