I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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