Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
