Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
