How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
