You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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