why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
