Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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