Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize