I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
