Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
