So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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