I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
