Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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