HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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